Friday, October 30, 2009
Jamie and me
Now that I've cried enough tears to start the flow of a new river, I think it's time to change the tone! As I was looking through the pictures of Jamie and me from the time we met in 2000, I had to laugh at the similarities!!! We had similar hair cuts when we met. I guess that freaked us both out a bit because unbeknown to each other, we both got our hair cut...in similar styles again! Then you see the picture from July 2003 when Emily was a baby and both of us had grown our hair back out again! And it's still similar in style...only mine's shorter. I don't know why it strikes me as so funny but it does. Just goes to show the bond between a birth mother and daughter extends even to hair styles! LOL
16 years have flown by...
I wanted to go ahead and post this now before I get side-tracked tomorrow and it slips through the cracks. Let me see first if I can do this without sobbing...
Sixteen years ago tomorrow was a very bittersweet day for me. I had not been feeling well the day before but woke up early before church and took a bath. I still had a few hours before I needed to leave so I went back to bed for a while...and woke up to a drenched bed from my water breaking. The day I had waited for, longed for, hoped for...and yet also terribly feared had finally arrived. My oldest child was to be born.
I knew steadfastly that I was placing my child for adoption...but my conscience still kept asking me 'can you really do it? Can you give birth to this beautiful life, hold her, love her, spend three days with her...and then walk away? Can you really do it?'
I spent three gloriously wonderful but all-too-short days with her rooming in with me. While I was still admitted, she was right there with me...I would not let her out of my sight except with my mom so I could take a shower. I held her, I bathed her, I fed her, I rocked her to sleep, I spent hours just staring at her...and the closer I got to the end of my three days, the louder my conscience was asking 'can you really do this?'
I was discharged after 2 days but she remained in the hospital...the compassion of the doctors and nurses, knowing she was being placed for adoption, to keep her there until her mom and dad would come to take her home.
November 3, 1993. I remember that day as if it were yesterday. I had spent the night with friends in Rockford to be near the hospital. I got up and took a bath and made the drive to the hospital for the last time. I could feel the lump in my throat getting bigger and bigger. I went straight to the nursery and gave my perfect little life a bath...it was so important to me that when Jim and Martha picked her up she was freshly clean. A tear fell down on her while I was giving her a bath and I quickly washed it away. Then I put some lotion on her, a new diaper and a clean tiny baby hospital t-shirt. I swaddled her in a blanket, sat down in the rocking chair and held her as tightly as was safely possible and the damn finally broke. Yes, I had shed tears the day before when my mom told her goodbye, but with reserve. This time the flood gates opened and tears I didn't know I was capable of producing came pouring out of me. I begged her to one day understand why I chose another family to raise her as their own...I begged her to one day understand that I did not abandon her but instead chose the best family I could find to take the precious life I had created and to allow her to grow within their family...I begged her to one day understand that for probably the first time in my life I was thinking of someone before myself and that my whole reason for choosing to place her for adoption was so that she could have a life that I was in no position to offer...I begged her to one day see that I was putting her needs first and not my own selfish wants...I begged her to one day forgive me. My body ached from the crying, my heart felt like it was being ripped from the inside out, I felt a pain from which I did not know if I would ever heal. And that right there was the one time since she was born that I consciously questioned myself...could I really do this?
Beth, the friend I had been staying with and to whom I will forever be grateful, showed up at the hospital just as I began questioning my choices. She wrapped her arms around me as I sobbed uncontrollably and said a prayer. She reaffirmed that I was making the right choice and told me with God's strength, I was going to walk out of the baby nursery and leave the hospital. I told my daughter goodbye for the last time and yes, with God's strength I left the hospital and drove to the courthouse.
I vaguely remember what happened next. I remember being asked if I had given birth to a baby girl on October 31, 1993 and I said yes. I remember being asked if it was my choice to place this child for adoption with Jim and Martha Tuneberg...I said yes and signed the adoption papers. And that is when my little Baby Girl Lund became Jamie Marie Tuneberg.
We started off with a semi-private arrangement...letters and pictures a couple of times a year. Then in April 2000 I received a phone call, telling me that Jamie wanted to meet me and would I come down to Treasure Island, FL. Without even thinking I said YES and we transitioned to an open adoption.
I've been asked countless times if I have ever regretted placing Jamie for adoption and I must say, the answer is a resounding NO. I chose the absolute best family for her that has become part of my extended family. We see each other as often as possible, once or twice a year. I have to laugh at the irony of us moving to Tampa because Treasure Island, where they have a condo, is right across the bay.
So Jamie, I truly hope you have an absolutely wonderful 16th birthday tomorrow! Congratulations on your new car!!! But most importantly, I love you.
Sixteen years ago tomorrow was a very bittersweet day for me. I had not been feeling well the day before but woke up early before church and took a bath. I still had a few hours before I needed to leave so I went back to bed for a while...and woke up to a drenched bed from my water breaking. The day I had waited for, longed for, hoped for...and yet also terribly feared had finally arrived. My oldest child was to be born.
I knew steadfastly that I was placing my child for adoption...but my conscience still kept asking me 'can you really do it? Can you give birth to this beautiful life, hold her, love her, spend three days with her...and then walk away? Can you really do it?'
I spent three gloriously wonderful but all-too-short days with her rooming in with me. While I was still admitted, she was right there with me...I would not let her out of my sight except with my mom so I could take a shower. I held her, I bathed her, I fed her, I rocked her to sleep, I spent hours just staring at her...and the closer I got to the end of my three days, the louder my conscience was asking 'can you really do this?'
I was discharged after 2 days but she remained in the hospital...the compassion of the doctors and nurses, knowing she was being placed for adoption, to keep her there until her mom and dad would come to take her home.
November 3, 1993. I remember that day as if it were yesterday. I had spent the night with friends in Rockford to be near the hospital. I got up and took a bath and made the drive to the hospital for the last time. I could feel the lump in my throat getting bigger and bigger. I went straight to the nursery and gave my perfect little life a bath...it was so important to me that when Jim and Martha picked her up she was freshly clean. A tear fell down on her while I was giving her a bath and I quickly washed it away. Then I put some lotion on her, a new diaper and a clean tiny baby hospital t-shirt. I swaddled her in a blanket, sat down in the rocking chair and held her as tightly as was safely possible and the damn finally broke. Yes, I had shed tears the day before when my mom told her goodbye, but with reserve. This time the flood gates opened and tears I didn't know I was capable of producing came pouring out of me. I begged her to one day understand why I chose another family to raise her as their own...I begged her to one day understand that I did not abandon her but instead chose the best family I could find to take the precious life I had created and to allow her to grow within their family...I begged her to one day understand that for probably the first time in my life I was thinking of someone before myself and that my whole reason for choosing to place her for adoption was so that she could have a life that I was in no position to offer...I begged her to one day see that I was putting her needs first and not my own selfish wants...I begged her to one day forgive me. My body ached from the crying, my heart felt like it was being ripped from the inside out, I felt a pain from which I did not know if I would ever heal. And that right there was the one time since she was born that I consciously questioned myself...could I really do this?
Beth, the friend I had been staying with and to whom I will forever be grateful, showed up at the hospital just as I began questioning my choices. She wrapped her arms around me as I sobbed uncontrollably and said a prayer. She reaffirmed that I was making the right choice and told me with God's strength, I was going to walk out of the baby nursery and leave the hospital. I told my daughter goodbye for the last time and yes, with God's strength I left the hospital and drove to the courthouse.
I vaguely remember what happened next. I remember being asked if I had given birth to a baby girl on October 31, 1993 and I said yes. I remember being asked if it was my choice to place this child for adoption with Jim and Martha Tuneberg...I said yes and signed the adoption papers. And that is when my little Baby Girl Lund became Jamie Marie Tuneberg.
We started off with a semi-private arrangement...letters and pictures a couple of times a year. Then in April 2000 I received a phone call, telling me that Jamie wanted to meet me and would I come down to Treasure Island, FL. Without even thinking I said YES and we transitioned to an open adoption.
I've been asked countless times if I have ever regretted placing Jamie for adoption and I must say, the answer is a resounding NO. I chose the absolute best family for her that has become part of my extended family. We see each other as often as possible, once or twice a year. I have to laugh at the irony of us moving to Tampa because Treasure Island, where they have a condo, is right across the bay.
So Jamie, I truly hope you have an absolutely wonderful 16th birthday tomorrow! Congratulations on your new car!!! But most importantly, I love you.
http://sendables.jibjab.com/view/ohEiRmDuHZOm2Xyb
Here's our latest JibJab Halloween spoof...check out the link, hope you laugh hard!
We're getting through life here in the sunshine state with temps still in the mid- to upper-80s most days. It's actually kind of hard to get used to...even in Georgia the temps cooled somewhat, enough to turn on the fireplace. Not here though! Nope! Everyone is still running around in shorts and flip-flops.
I've really gotten involved in our local Moms Like Me network and have truly met some amazing women! We're getting together on Saturday for a Halloween party...last count had 75 moms plus kids attending! WOW! I'm hoping to be able to meet some of the moms I only know 'online.' The girls will be in their costumes...hopefully everyone will have a great time.
Sorry this post is so brief, the next one will be longer...
Here's our latest JibJab Halloween spoof...check out the link, hope you laugh hard!
We're getting through life here in the sunshine state with temps still in the mid- to upper-80s most days. It's actually kind of hard to get used to...even in Georgia the temps cooled somewhat, enough to turn on the fireplace. Not here though! Nope! Everyone is still running around in shorts and flip-flops.
I've really gotten involved in our local Moms Like Me network and have truly met some amazing women! We're getting together on Saturday for a Halloween party...last count had 75 moms plus kids attending! WOW! I'm hoping to be able to meet some of the moms I only know 'online.' The girls will be in their costumes...hopefully everyone will have a great time.
Sorry this post is so brief, the next one will be longer...
Monday, October 12, 2009
Grace...
This little one keeps us in stitches!
Recently she got out of the pool and her swimsuit had 'crept up' so Randy told her to 'cover her cheeks.' Well, she took her hair and pulled it down over her face.
Last night Randy sang to her 'Who Let The Dogs Out' waiting for her to say 'Who? Who? Who-Who??' but instead she walked inside, came back out and said 'no one, Daddy, he's still in there!'
I dropped some crayons, markers and colored pencils on the floor and asked her to help me pick them up. She looked right up at me and said 'you're doing a great job, mommy. Keep it up!!!'
Recently she got out of the pool and her swimsuit had 'crept up' so Randy told her to 'cover her cheeks.' Well, she took her hair and pulled it down over her face.
Last night Randy sang to her 'Who Let The Dogs Out' waiting for her to say 'Who? Who? Who-Who??' but instead she walked inside, came back out and said 'no one, Daddy, he's still in there!'
I dropped some crayons, markers and colored pencils on the floor and asked her to help me pick them up. She looked right up at me and said 'you're doing a great job, mommy. Keep it up!!!'
Saturday, October 10, 2009
October 9, 2009
So what have the Andersons been up to? School is in full swing, Emily's doing very well in the first grade and Grace is loving being in school 5 mornings a week...and so is mama!!! Emily is reading at a very good level and Grace is learning her letters and numbers. Emily is struggling a little with math which is very frustrating for me since that is my favorite subject. I admittedly get impatient with her when she struggles with her subtraction problems, but I'm trying not to.
Randy is still struggling with issues at work but is determined to get them fixed. We're both anxiously awaiting his annual eval this next week, especially since learning that his predecessor left the position as a result of it. Randy's done a lot more than him, and I'm hoping his boss is aware of the results the last time he gave someone in this position their annual...but still, we're anxiously awaiting.
I spent one entire day this last week with some help cleaning out our entire garage. I'm pleased to say that now, not only can you walk through it without tripping and falling, but I can park in it as well! I did it on one of my days off from the gym this week but I still got a good workout...lol!
I've been hitting the gym pretty regularly, taking a tread-n-shed class 1 morning a week and a spinning class 3 mornings a week with some weights thrown in. Several weeks ago I finished weaning myself off of all the medications I was taking for my neck. I tired of being looped all the time, being tired all the time, dealing with all the side-effects. So I'm going to work on building up my muscle strength that I've lost and hope to be able to stay off the medications. We'll see how it goes. I'm also working on trying to lose 50 pounds. One of my Moms Like Me friends has become my gym-buddy...it certainly helps to stay motivated when you have someone going with you.
I dragged out all of the Fall and Halloween decorations and got the house and front of the house decorated. Randy's already said that even though we won't be here for Christmas, he wants me to put up a tree...I say we'll see! The girls got their costumes...Grace is going to be a pumpkin and Emily a Latin Dancer. Emily also reminded me that since it's my year to take them Trick-or-Treating, I have to dress up too so I'll be a witch. Fun times. Pictures to follow.
Randy is still struggling with issues at work but is determined to get them fixed. We're both anxiously awaiting his annual eval this next week, especially since learning that his predecessor left the position as a result of it. Randy's done a lot more than him, and I'm hoping his boss is aware of the results the last time he gave someone in this position their annual...but still, we're anxiously awaiting.
I spent one entire day this last week with some help cleaning out our entire garage. I'm pleased to say that now, not only can you walk through it without tripping and falling, but I can park in it as well! I did it on one of my days off from the gym this week but I still got a good workout...lol!
I've been hitting the gym pretty regularly, taking a tread-n-shed class 1 morning a week and a spinning class 3 mornings a week with some weights thrown in. Several weeks ago I finished weaning myself off of all the medications I was taking for my neck. I tired of being looped all the time, being tired all the time, dealing with all the side-effects. So I'm going to work on building up my muscle strength that I've lost and hope to be able to stay off the medications. We'll see how it goes. I'm also working on trying to lose 50 pounds. One of my Moms Like Me friends has become my gym-buddy...it certainly helps to stay motivated when you have someone going with you.
I dragged out all of the Fall and Halloween decorations and got the house and front of the house decorated. Randy's already said that even though we won't be here for Christmas, he wants me to put up a tree...I say we'll see! The girls got their costumes...Grace is going to be a pumpkin and Emily a Latin Dancer. Emily also reminded me that since it's my year to take them Trick-or-Treating, I have to dress up too so I'll be a witch. Fun times. Pictures to follow.
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